


It had to be you

by zenexit



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 11:12:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1686290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zenexit/pseuds/zenexit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was the kind of love that he had never planned and could only end in hurting himself with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> original author's note on ff.net:  
>  "A/N: This is based on an RP that myself and the girlfriend had where I literally cried, I think I'll be doing two parts for it, but there might be more. We'll see. This is also the longest thing that I've uploaded to fanfiction in a while, I hope you all enjoy!"
> 
> Not sure if I still like this, but adding it to my AO3 because it isn't old and I want to add more things to my profile.

One thing that was hard, always hard no matter how you looked at it, be it from the outside, or either point on the inside, was unrequited love. It was one thing that Red knew well, but not that the other party member knew. Red wasn't one for confessing his feelings, or talking things out. He didn't care about clearing his conscience, or getting things all out on the table. Although it could be hard sometimes, being around the object of his affection that is, it wasn't so painful that it needed to stop. No, that was silly. If he said something it would ruin everything. Every moment they spent together the other would be worried about him, worried if that touch was okay, and was it alright to mention his girlfriend? It was just something Red didn't want to deal with. He wanted to be able to meet those brown eyes and that snarky grin and to know that nothing was hiding behind them. To know their friendship, their relationship, was the same as it always was.

Anyone in his position would do the same, Red had already decided on that fact. To know someone your entire life and then to find out slowly over the years you were in love with them, when the knowledge they would never feel the same was a cruel one, but it was one Red could live with. What mattered was that his life stayed the same throughout the years. Simple, planned, pleasant. The way he wanted it.

If things changed, if he mentioned it to Green, everything would change. All of his plans would go to shit.

The question at this point may be something like this: but how would Red know it was one sided if he never said anything?

Red knew Green. He knew Green better than anyone else did, Green included in this. He knew when Green liked someone, and who it was. None of those people had ever been male, but that wasn't what made up Red's mind on the matter. He was sure Green could love a man given the right lead in to it. It was unlikely, but it was possible. No, what made him so certain was because Green had never shown one inkling of romantic thought towards him. Not a single lingering hand, a harshened breath, a lasting gaze… Nothing. Not in the romantic way, that is. Their relationship from Green's point of view had just been a friendship, nothing more and nothing less. Sure, it had been a damn good one, but Red knew that's all it would ever be. So he would never say a word, never let it slip. It was because it was love he would never say it, a love he was so sure of, that he could never let the words leave his lips. It wasn't him saying that he liked someone, it wasn't a crush, it wasn't a phase, it was a love he had slowly felt build and build his entire life. A love that was powerful and overwhelming, but Red couldn't say. Because love was something Green wouldn't be able to ignore, it was something that would have to be addressed like it could be solved. But Red knew how he felt, and he had never felt any hesitation in it, any questioning. It was always a certainty, something he was sure of and didn't really care about changing. To try to change it would just be a waste of time.

Or, that's what he had planned anyway.

It had been one ill-fated phone conversation. It had started off with laughs and discussions. They had been talking about their days, how class had been, college possibilities, Green becoming more and surer that he wanted to become a doctor. He had asked Red what he wanted to do, like he always did, and Red had shrugged over the phone forgetting Green couldn't see before answering that he didn't know yet. It was always the same conversation, never showing any inclination to go different than it always did. But it did, that's why this story was being told in the first place. It had hastily shifted on Red's part, asking Green how he was doing with so and so girl, someone whose name Red hadn't bothered to remember. It was just some girl Green had thought was cute or something and mentioned once, nothing special. His brown haired friend had laughed it off, probably waving his hand in the air on the other side of the phone while Red laid in his bed holding the phone against his ear and staring at a wall in the dark. He said he didn't really care about her, something Red would never say but he knew that he needed to hear that more than anything. That one fact felt so good to know, even though Green could change his mind about her at any time. He could find out he was in love with this girl, and there was nothing Red could do about it. But then Green had asked the dreaded question, the one where he wondered if Red liked anyone. He did this every once in a while, even though Red for the most part always said the same thing. He told him that no, he didn't. Green wondered why, said he was attractive and could get lots of girls and Red would laugh it off. Green had even sat him down before and told him quite seriously that it didn't matter if he was gay, just to let him know, he would always be the same loser best friend he had had since they were kids. Red had told him he wasn't gay and that had been that. It wasn't that Red was gay, it was that he was in love with his best friend who happened to be male. It would have happened no matter what Green's gender was. But Red for whatever reason, maybe it was surprise that the attention had been turned towards, answered that yes he liked someone. Green had been surprised, happy even. A darker part of Red, one that he ignored and pretended wasn't real, a part that he hated, didn't like that. He wanted Green to be secretly jealous the way he was, wanted him to wish that he never got interested in any one. Of course Red always quickly shook off these thoughts, they were silly and would never happen, and he would never want Green to feel the emotions that he felt about him. Not now, not ever.

That moment however, filled Red with so much dread that he had wanted to scream. The last time he had fucked up like this, it had been in middle school. He had completely fabricated an interest in a girl named Diana, a very real person. Green had encouraged him to ask her out, to 'get some', his 13 year old hormones were in charge of him at the time. Red hadn't though, choosing instead to lie about being too shy and quickly moving on. Green had brought her up a few more times after the incident, but Red always shut him down immediately, or changed the subject. Those had been the beginning days, when Red's mind was just beginning to wrap its mind around its feelings for Green.

But this time, it was like that Mean Girls quote, it was word vomit coming out of his mouth. When Green asked him who it was that Red liked, if he knew them, Red told him the he did indeed know him.

"Really?" Green had asked in surprise, his voice going up higher in pitch.

"Yeah," Red had agreed panicking, he didn't know why he was doing this at all, and he didn't understand why he didn't just change the subject now.

"Who is it?" Green asked, pushing with his voice, trying to egg Red on.

"I'm not telling you." Red responded quickly. He felt guilty afterword, his voice had sounded pointed, like he was trying to keep Green out. Well… He was, but he didn't need to expand on the reasons for that at the moment.

"Why not?" Green had also been quick to a reply. That made it harder on Red, he didn't know how to handle that. Green was so legitimately interested…

"Because you know them… Well… And I don't want you to tell them…" Red's voice was slow while he replied. It was true that if he told Green who it was that he would tell them.

There was some small part of Red, a point in his brain that was filled with hope. A tiny part of him did want Green to know, so he could hear him respond, so he could see how he truly felt about him, to see if the feelings were returned. He knew they weren't, and he knew they would never be, but there was some part of his brain that was like a 14 year old girl that feverishly hung onto the hope that if Green knew he would confess his own silenced hidden love for Red as well. But that was unreasonable, and not what was going to happen.

"Oh come on! Who would I tell? Whoever it is I'm closer with you anyway. I promise I won't tell."

Red couldn't yell in response, that wouldn't work, it would just show his frustration and Green would be even more keen to find out who it was. Instead Red quickly answered with a quick and short 'no'.

"Come onnnn!" Green said in frustration, the n in on stretching out as he made his point. "You never like anyone! Why can't you just tell me who it is?! They've gotta be something special for you to like them." Oh yes, they were special alright. With stupid brown hair that spiked up, and brown eyes that had layers to them. The kinds that were light but with the dark rim around the outside, the kind that could be stared at. They were like blue eyes sometimes, the way they would change in the light, reflecting and showing all different shades of a color that should seem boring, but wasn't. This person thought they were the hottest shit to ever get a set of legs, and they strutted around on them, full of confidence and charm. The kind of person who you couldn't help but be jealous of, they weren't lacking in anything besides humility. It made Red want to hit a wall and then Green's face, with his fist and then his lips. It was a love that made him angry and happy at the same time, an anger that filled him with a sense of satisfaction, but he knew if he could he would fawn all over Green but… That wasn't an option he had been given in life, and that was something he had to live with and accept.

"They are, but I'm still not telling you." Red wasn't even sure why he kept on talking but it kept coming out, he kept wanting to reply, to satisfy the thirst for knowledge that Green now had obtained.

"Okay… So you won't tell me who they are… But will you tell me about them?" Green asked, voice sincere. He really just wanted to help his friend, his friend who never liked anyone…. Ugh, that made it so much worse.

"What do you want to know about them?" It could be a harmless question… Something Red could just answer ambiguously and move on… Right?

"Let's start of basic!" Green said enthusiastically, but there was also an edge to his voice. He had a plan, Red could tell. He planned for by the end of this to know who Red was talking about. Ha, that was unlikely. "What do they look like?"

"A person."

"Vague. No really, come on. Eye color? Hair color?" Green had a list now, there was no way Red escape.

"Brown, both are brown." How the hell was he going to get out of this?!

The list had continued down, Green pestering more and more, his questions getting more specific. By the end of he had gathered enough information to decide on the matter. He knew Red and the mentioned person were the same age, and around the same height. He knew this person had brown eyes and brown hair, and that they had known each other for a while. He knew that Green and this person were very close (that part had confused him the most). He knew that they were funny, and nice. These were all basic things, but for whatever reason, Green paused.

"Red…" He had said quietly, his voice trailing off. Red could feel his hands getting damp, clammy. They were sweating without him meaning too, his nerves topping. He hadn't meant for the conversation to get as far as it had. He hadn't meant for it to come this close, for him to say this much, for the possibility to be this near.

"This might sound weird but uh…" His voice was so soft, sounding scared to ask. As if he knew what he was about to say was a very large deal, as if he knew it would change things. Red wanted to stop him there, to make this all stop but he couldn't, he couldn't say anything. He could feel his tongue in his mouth, it felt dead. His eyes were wide, terror strong in his chest.

Oh shit.

"The person you're talking about…" Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit. "Is it me?"

Fucking shit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is super short and I think it's honestly my least favorite out of all of them

“That person you’re talking about… Is it me?” 

The words echoed in Red’s head as he held the phone against his ear. His breathing suddenly felt very loud to himself and he tried to quiet it. He was very aware of every sound he was making, every feeling coursing through his body, the largest being panic. Panic at being found out, panic about telling Green, panic at the thought of all of these years of containing himself, of fighting it down, being for nothing. It horrified him. There were reasons why he had never talked about it before, that much was clear. He could feel his throat contracting in nerves, his ability to speak slowly waning. He knew how long it had been since he talked, his thoughts swirling around him. Had it been only a few seconds? A minute? More than that? Green hadn’t said anything yet, so it couldn’t have been too long. He didn’t know why he hadn’t said no yet. Nothing was actually stopping him, aside from his nerves… What was stopping him?

It was the thought, that little part of him that did want Green to know, a part that was always silenced and ignored. But what if he did just say it? He felt his throat opening, his clammy hands clenching without him telling them to on his phone, a cheap piece of plastic that he had begged his mother time and time ago to be replaced. Green had a nicer one than him, and that didn’t fly well with Red. Not that new gadgets really mattered to him… He was just always made more and more aware how out of style his was when Blue waved her new phone in his face and laughed at him. The only person who had a phone as old as he did was Yellow*. But that was kind of getting away from the point, Red realized. He was just stalling more on the confrontation part. On the lies, again and again. Even though this question had never been asked before, he had always told himself he would say no.

Not really. He had always wondered if when it came down to it, he would actually be able to lie to Green about it after all.

“Yes.” He said before he could truly stop himself from making the biggest mistake of his teenage life. Melodramatic? Perhaps, but it was how he felt in that moment. He felt like he was going to shake, even though it was unlikely. But there was a sense of relief running through his body, like something had been released from him. He hadn’t known it would feel as good as it did to actually say it, but it did. Part of Red wondered if Green would question him, if he would say “Really?” because if he did, Red didn’t think he could tell the truth again. He didn’t know what to want more, Green to question him so he could back out, or for him to follow up on what he had replied.

There was an audible pause; it was as if Red could hear Green’s brain slowly processing what it had been told. Red could almost hear the gears in the other’s head turning as he decided what to say.

“How long?” He finally said. Maybe the pause in Green’s mind had felt as long as Red’s, if he had milled over just as many thoughts as he had, as many emotions. It was unlikely, although he was positive the other was definitely surprised about it. Or maybe he wasn’t… But that would make it so much worse. To know that everything he had done, all the effort he had put forth not to be found out, not to be detected, had been for absolutely nothing.

“Awhile” Was the small answer that Red finally decided on saying. He didn’t want it to go this way. He didn’t want to be clinging onto his phone in the dark, scared of losing his best friend. But that’s how it had gone; this was where it had brought him. It wasn’t a fear of Green finding his homosexuality disgusting or anything along those lines, be that the case life would be easier and Red could just be done with him quickly. No, it was the fear that Green would treat him differently, now knowing it. He would be careful about touching him and hanging out often, he wouldn’t talk about his girlfriends. They would end up slowly drifting apart and that thought made Red want to curl up somewhere nice and cold just to die. He wanted to know what happened to Green in his life, where he went, if he got that doctorate like he wanted. Red wanted to see him find the love of his life, get married and have kids, everything. Him being in love with him… It was just another fact; it wasn’t stopping him or repressing him in anyway. He just wanted Green to be happy, and he wanted to be there to see it.

“How long is that, Red?” Green pressed. It could be heard in his voice, he was worried. He was wondering how long this had been for; if it had been something serious then it meant he had hurt his best friend. He didn’t want that, no one would.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“What? A month? A few months? Come on just tell me.” There was false kindness in his voice now. The intoxicating kind that Red just wanted to curl up into, listening to those sweet words all day, pretending he didn’t know that it was all a farce. The girls Green dated could never tell the difference, that’s what made them lucky. Red whished at least once in his life he could be in their shoes. Just once. 

The kindness wasn’t faked in the way one might expect, as it may be to add to avoid confusion. It was faked to hide Green’s own insecurities in this moment, to make it seem less like he was worried that he had hurt his friend, instead making it seem like he just playfully wanted to know. This would make Red much more likely to talk about it, and Green knew that. He wouldn’t feel like he was setting himself up for some kind of failure. He wouldn’t be cut off in his question in this way, left to ask himself in a million ways a million different times about the truth behind the entire thing.

“Longer.” Red couldn’t lie to him, not with that tone in Green’s voice.

“How much longer?” Green paused before adding, “When did you start to like me?”

Good question, Red wanted to say. He wasn’t sure himself, only when he started to notice, when he truly began to understand what it actually meant to like him.

“More than a few years.” Was the answer Red decided. He wanted to be truthful, no matter how much it terrified him, he just didn’t want it to end negatively, and he didn’t want to lose his friend.

“A few years?!” Green asked in shock, his voice going louder. This hadn’t been the answer he had expected, or wanted. Red immediately wanted to take it all back but that wasn’t an option. “What the hell, Red, why didn’t you tell me?!”


	3. Chapter 3

“What the hell, Red, why didn’t you tell me?!”

Red clutched the phone in his hands tighter, resisting the urge to press it more firmly against his face as he did so. He hadn’t wanted Green to get this angry tone in his voice, but there was no helping it now. Red stared for a moment at the wall in front of his face; the room being dark made it hard to see. He wished, for a moment, it was lighter in here so he could space out and stare there for hours, examining all the small cracks and crevices the wall had. He could stare at his own hair, the way his short black bangs were just long enough to be seen. He would tug at them, drawing them further past his eyes while he played with them. It would be a good source of a distraction… hell, even just thinking about it now was working, calming Red’s nerves easily. 

“I didn’t want to.” He said in response, making sure his words felt as cool as the rest of him did right now, distanced. He could almost hear the tension in the air on the other side of the line, so before Green could say anything else Red added, “Would you tell me?”

The silence on the other side of the line was more than enough of an answer to Red’s question. Green was thinking it over, likely to agree with him.

“Yeah… I guess you’re right...” Red heard Green swallow after that, and he stretched his legs out a bit, straightening his back while he did so. He hadn’t realized it but the position he had been laying in had made his back tense. 

“Were you ever planning on telling me?”

That was a good question. Had Red ever been planning to tell him? He thought it over for a moment in his mind, eyes flicking up while he did so, lips becoming a firm line while in thought.

“No.”

A sharp intake of breath on the other line. Red could almost imagine Green laying there in his bed, curled up on side as well, but he would be facing the left, whereas Red liked to face to the right. He would have one hand on the phone, the other laying there next to him, and brown hair atop the blue pillows on his bed. His eyebrows would be pulled together, making a hard line, lines that would maybe one day get stuck there. Red hoped he would see those, and of course the laugh lines, Green would have lots of those… The thought made Red swallow, he wasn’t supposed to be letting his mind wander right now, but it was hard not to let it.

“Hell Red, what were you planning to do then? You know what really freaks me out here? It’s that you weren’t planning to do anything about it. I mean, you haven’t dated anyone at all… Not ever… Were… Were you just planning on continuing to like me? Huh?” Red paused for a bit in thought again, and before he could say something, Green talked more, his voice taking a firm reprimanding edge to it. “Just going to stay my best friend and in love with me? Without ever doing anything about it? You know, you deserve happiness too.” Oh, well there it was. He was worrying about him now…

“I don’t really see what the big deal about it is.” Red replied.

“The big deal?!” Green exclaimed, hand grasping the phone tighter. “The big deal is that you deserve to get married! To get a house with someone one day! To be happy in that way!”

Red bit his lip for a second, Green really did sound upset… But the entire thing didn’t make any sense to him, not a lick of it. “I would have been happy not doing that. I’m happy just being your friend.” Brutal honesty, it hurt Red’s throat just to say, but he meant every word of it.

“That’s great! That’s really great!” The words in themselves that Green was saying were happy, but how he said them wasn’t. He sounded beyond upset; Red assumed it was all just because he didn’t understand. 

“But what about all the other stuff? Huh?!”

“I don’t really need that.” But he sure as hell wanted it. “I’ve never had it before; I can’t miss what I’ve never had.”

Green paused, lost in thought. Red couldn’t tell what he was thinking but he let out the tiniest of sighs. His best friend didn’t get this whole ordeal, that much was obvious, but the biggest question was how it would affect them... He just wanted it all to go away…

“But you should have it.” Green said quietly, the anger and frustration fading from his voice.

“Maybe.”

“Red… What the hell were you going to do for the rest of your life, huh? Just follow me around?” They were soft probing words, searching for the pain that hadn’t been caused to Red yet, but wondering how far down he had almost made the raven haired teen go.

“I was hoping when you got a house you would let me live with you and your wife.” It had really been a hope of his… He could watch Green live his life, get the chance to be there as a friend. Maybe the entire thing sounded dangerous to Red’s life, maybe it all made him seem like he was dangerously codependent but… It was what he wanted. It didn’t put him in any danger; he wasn’t depressed over it all…. Just the recent thoughts that Green would drop him from his life. Could he live without Green? Of course, he would be fine. But did he want to? No, oh god no. The thought made him want to vomit, but he would get through it all. Missing Green the entire way, feeling as if a large chunk of him was missing. He didn’t want that life, and he wanted Green to understand this part of him, he wanted him to accept it, and he wanted all of this to just move on from there, going back to normal life only with Green now knowing this new fact about him. Red just wanted to see what happened to his friend, he wanted to be there to do it all with him, as his friend, as his whatever. He knew anything past that wouldn’t happen, and this entire discussion was good… It would allow him to squash everything between them down once and for all.

“What? And you would just… Live with us?” Green’s voice really sounded sad now, desperate. “Wouldn’t that make you upset?”

“It would be better than living alone, but I could do that… I just wanted to stay around you. Both things are good.” Red said dryly. 

“Red… I…”

“What?” Red was fairly positive he didn’t want to hear whatever Green was going to say next, but he wasn’t going to stop him.

“I… I’m sorry I had no idea.” He really did sound sorry, he sounded like he regretted the entire thing. It made Red want to hit the wall repeatedly with his head.

“It’s okay… I didn’t want you to. But, Green?” Red said this slowly, but it was important his next words got across clearly. It was obvious at this point that Green didn’t care for him back, which made Red’s insides sting faintly, but he wouldn’t say anything about it. It was what he had expected all along, it was one of the reasons he hadn’t wanted to talk about all of this in the first place.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t treat me different. Can we just pretend this never happened?” It was a sincere question, one Red meant with every fiber of his being. He just wanted Green to agree so they could be done with it all.

“What? Are you sure? I could-“Red broke Green off midsentence.

“Yes, I’m sure. Let’s just pretend none of this ever happened.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Green POV ahead as requested by reviewers on FF also bulky paragraphs

Forget it ever happened, right, that was it. A simple sentence, a click of the phone. Red’s voice had sounded choked up when he had hung up, saying goodbye quietly into his microphone. Green swallowed and stared at the phone before looking away. He let the phone drop from his hand to the space next to the bed before curling up into it, staring at his own wall, while never knowing that Red was doing the same.

xXx

School was always a place that no one ever wanted to find themselves in. Someone could try to argue that, say that more intellectually driven individuals loved it, but they would be wrong. Those people were usually full of fronts about how they felt, to the teachers and students around them. Green knew as a straight A student, he still hated every second spent in school, that no matter how many times he was told he was smart, that school came easy to him, he was laughing inside hidden behind a fake smile. No one knew he put a lot of effort into everything he did, and he wasn’t going to tell them that either. Rather, he would just make a joke at the other person’s expense in the effort to throw off the conversation. 

The entire ordeal with Red made going to school a little more complicated to Green. He knew he couldn’t show that however, not for a second. So the brunette kept smiling at his black haired friend, trying to make sure the emotion behind his brown eyes seemed sincere enough for his best friend not to be able to see past them. He made his usual jokes and gripes at his friend, but in a way it all felt hollow now. His heart just wasn’t in it today because he knew every moment that his best friend looked at him he was thinking about what had happened last night, and probably wondering why Green hadn’t said anything about it.

But hell, what even was there to say?

What did you ever say to something like that? “Sorry Red never gave much thought to the other sex, thanks for the heads up about you though!” That would just be gross, and it would make him feel like his feelings were shit. It was a really hard situation to deal with and Green knew that, which made him feel like he shouldn’t just jump into a decision about the entire thing. 

So he avoided it, at least that’s what it looked like. All day to Red it looked like Green was avoiding the entire thing, staying away from it so he wouldn’t hurt his friend’s feelings. Although Red understood why he was doing it, it felt like there were small cracks forming in his heart that just kept getting deeper. 

Green wished he could think something like that he wanted the entire situation to disappear, that Red had never liked him, but there was a disgusting seeming part of him that fought against the other thought. It was human nature to desire attention, and from someone so closed off to the outside world it meant even more. This was his best friend, and if Green said he hadn’t seen something like this coming, he would have been lying. There was a small part of his heart that had been suspecting it. He always asked Red about relationships but the other just shoved the questions away and moved on, changing the subject, or answering something back like “You date every girl I could ever like.” So to find it out was like that little part of Green’s heart had been right, that its sick thoughts had been confirmed. And no matter how much he liked the attention, no matter how strong that liking was, Green felt like shit now because of it. This wasn’t some petty crush, or someone whose feelings he didn’t actually have a person to connect it with. This was   
Red. His Red. His childhood friend and rival, someone he had grown up with.

Green knew how some guys might view this situation, with disgust. Nothing along those lines was what he felt right now, something more akin to confusion would be a better descriptor. He had no reason he could   
fathom in his mind as to why Red would develop feelings like that for him. Girls he didn’t know, that was one thing. They dated and moved on, physical relations included as well as the other stuff. But Red? Red knew him better than any of those people. Green had never deep down considered himself to be a good guy, but he thought if he kept fighting at it and doing his best he could get there. His greatest weakness, at least as a high school student, was his short temper and even shorter dating average. With the second being said, why would Red ever want to be a part of that? He saw all the black and gross parts of his companion’s soul and wanted to keep pushing at it? 

Green knew he was over thinking everything, but it was hard not to. Hard not to think about every day Red went through like this, making his feelings second nature and putting them on the back burner. It was such a selfless love too that it made Green want to vomit. Not because his friend felt it, but because he had hurt that love, he had hurt it deep. He had betrayed a silent and sacred trust inside of Red that he probably wasn’t even aware he was giving to the other teen.

Going throughout the day past all this felt routine, felt rehearsed and fake like Green had already thought to himself. So when he went home from the darkened land called high school he hid himself in his bedroom, he ignored his sister’s loud questioning asking what was wrong. He turned his IDock on a healthy level for a teenager, not enough to make himself seem like a little shit that was having an angst fest, and laid flat down on his bed. Face first in his mattress, nose pressed into his pillows. He absorbed his own douchey scent of body spray and hair gel, curling up as he went. He wanted to talk to Red, to fix this entire thing, but he didn’t know how to.

This needed a solution, and it needed one fast. Green didn’t think he could go through day after day like today, just pretending there wasn’t anything between them.

Did Red ever think something like that?

Shit. No. Don’t think like that.

Green kept pushing the dark thoughts away of what it would like to be in Red’s point of view and flipped himself over on his bed, staring straight up at his ceiling. It wasn’t popcorn like some were which he was thankful for because as kids Red and him had hit their heads on that thing more times than he could count. If it had been popcorn god knows how much damage could have been done to their heads. Concussions, probably. 

What would it be like to date Red? Green wondered if it would be worth it to try doing something like that. But what if he fucked it up? Or if it didn’t work out? Where would their friendship go from there? Green didn’t talk to a single person who he had previously dated anymore, except Blue but that didn’t even count as dating in his mind. They were like ten, but then again Blue still talked to him all the time like she wanted to ride his dick. Did Red want to do something like that? Fuck, no, not that don’t think about that. Anything but that. Going back to the thoughts from before Green felt the compulsion to scream, this was all so unbelievably frustrating. He just wanted a solution to this as quickly as he could find it and the only think he could think of was a life commitment to Red. That wasn’t very practical, but it would solve everything well enough, wouldn’t it?


	5. Chapter 5

Red woke up the next day like he always did eyes stinging with sleep and the compulsion to bury himself deep into the pillows. Laying around in his bed for a bit, flipping from side to side, he did his best to prolong the unavoidable. The unavoidable being the thought that he would get up, which he did his best to silence with thoughts of if he kept rebelling against the light peeping in through his windows he would be able to fall back asleep. It was Saturday wasn’t it; he should be able to sleep in, right?

Not right. Red was still very much awake.

Rolling onto his side the dark haired youth checked his phone for the time and found in sheer horror that it read nine in the morning. Nine was a normal time to wake up perhaps, but not to a high school student on the first day of the weekend. Red groaned quietly in frustration and rolled over again. No use, he was completely awake.

Stumbling out of his bed, Red made his way to the bathroom where he peed quickly and washed his hands and face, teeth following. Staring face to face with himself, he studied what looked at him back quietly. His dark hair stuck out wildly around his face, messy from sleep. He would usually think to himself that he looked charming, but that wasn’t flying well today. Charming in what sort of way? Red had always considered himself attractive in a domestic sort of way, if he was going to call him anything. But it was hard to look yourself in the mirror and force compliments, especially after your best friend who you had been in love with for your entire life didn’t feel the same. It was quite the blow but here Red was, staring at himself. He tried to think on the bright side, to look at his brown eyes with the dark red tint that they held behind them, depending on the lighting they were set to they could look completely red. That was nice right? And special? Yeah, just like the dark circles tugging at the corners, from lack of sleep and probably stress. Red knew if he woke himself up properly they would fade away better, he just hoped no one would notice, but the idea behind that was incredibly unlikely.

Forcing compliments wasn’t working, so Red walked away from the mirror and into his kitchen in the attempt to make himself breakfast. It was a big one but easy, which included the largest plastic bowl he could find filled to the brim with a sugary cereal selected at random. He filled it with milk until it was doing more than floating and ate it silently. His mother had already left for the morning, going to work at 7 she wouldn’t be home until around 5. Red didn’t want to be home alone, but he didn’t really have a choice, because he wasn’t too keen on the thought of calling any of his friends to entertain him.

Blue? Not feeling it, he couldn’t keep up with her energy today.

Yellow would be nice, but she would be too nice, he wasn’t ready to answer questions and be told to move past his own self-pity.

Green was out of the question for obvious reasons.

Red only having three friends found himself at a loss to cure his loneliness and sighed into his lucky charms, todays pick, like they actually understood what he was feeling and weren’t just sugary bits of cereal. Why, out of everyone Red could have fallen in love with, did it have to be Green?

Red kept shoveling the bits of cereal into his mouth when he heard his phone go off in the other room; he paused for a moment before continuing to eat. Whatever it was it could wait a few minutes, or the entire day, before he got to it. More time passed as he put the slowly softening cereal into his mouth, and he heard his phone go off again. Then again, and then again. He frowned; it wasn’t like his phone to be blown up. Was something actually happening?

Red walked into his room, pausing for a moment to glare at the small shreds of light bleeding through his closed blinds that had woken him up in the first place. He picked up his phone from the floor, unplugging it from the charger and it informed him of a missed call and three new messages. He frowned and selected everything slowly, going through and reading it all in surprise.  
Every alert in his phone, for some strange reason, was from Green, including the call. Red couldn’t quite say what that was about, as he had no new voicemails to check, but there were three messages to read.

“Yo u up?”

“Ur a light sleeper come on did I wake u up”

“We should hang today”

As Red was reading these messages, all typical things for Green to tell him, another message was sent in. What was confusing him about the entire messages wasn’t what Green was saying, but at the urgency he seemed to be sending them. The brown haired teen had never been one to spam someone’s phone repeatedly, even if he got nervous, so why was he doing it now?

“Come on don’t ignore me.”

Well that one seemed pointed, but Red was just staring at his phone still, biting the inside of his mouth. He didn’t know what to say, or how to react at all. This wasn’t like Green, so Red didn’t know how to reply in a typical way. Usually he would just reply something like “Okay, come over whenever” or “what do you want to do?” but neither of those felt right to reply with. But what Green was so eager to involve himself with today was an excellent question.

Red hadn’t wanted to see Green at all today to begin with, and probably not on Sunday either. The past times they’ve spent together since Red’s confession had felt secretly forced to Red, like he had sand being forced slowly down his throat, dry hot sand that he wanted to beg for water to fix, but without knowing if anyone would indulge him.

“I’m coming over.” Was the next message Green sent to Red out of the blue and the black haired teen just about dropped his phone. It had been what, two minutes without a reply? What the fuck was going on?  
“Okay.” He decided to reply to the spikey haired brunette, knowing his grammar and spelling skills had increased with his desperation at this point. Red wasn’t sure what to expect at this point, but there was no avoiding it, so he might at least let Green know that he was awake for it.

Shuffling back to the kitchen, Red finished his cereal as quickly as he could in anticipation.

xXx

Red laid the back of his head against his couch, watching the movie absent mindedly. He couldn’t say much about it past that it was most likely the first horror movie Green had seen at the grocery store. It was something called The Purge, and it seemed to be all about the negative aspects of human nature. One guy seemed to be a good actor, but that was really it for Red. Green didn’t seem all that interested in it either, which raised the question of why were they watching it?

The dark eyed teen shifted his eyes silently to his best friend and found light brown ones meeting him in response. Instead of just smiling or laughing it off, Green moved his eyes back quickly to the movie as if embarrassed.

Red wished he could say that was weird, but it had been happening today increasingly more and more. Why?

“Hey Green?”

Green swallowed, the skin beneath his chin moving up and down, jaw muscles clenching for a moment, he smiled a bit before answering. “Yeah?”

For whatever reason, he seemed nervous. Weird.

“If you did the purge thing, what would you do?” Red asked curiously. This helped him benefit in several ways. The first being that he could act like he cared more about this movie then he did, the second being that Green would hopefully get past this weird blip he was on for the day.

“Uhh…” Green paused in his answer as Red kept staring at him. Things were becoming increasingly more and more obvious to a possible reason for the situation, and his heart fluttered quickly in his chest in response. It was a weak attempt at hope, and Red wanted to smash it with a hammer before it could bloom more.

“I wouldn’t do anything.” Green finished, looking quickly back at the movie.

“Oh, cool I guess.” Red said in reply. He shifted away from Green, putting more space between them on the couch in the attempt to keep his mind back on track. A loud scream from the television gave him a reason to put his attention back to it. He didn’t want to worry about why his best friend was acting so weird, and a large part of him didn’t want it to be what he was hoping for.  
Red had no idea Green had been up late the last night, staying up sick with thoughts and feelings twisting inside of him. But one thing Red could tell from observing the other teenager was the bags under his eyes as well, telling him he hadn’t gotten a good amount of sleep. Why? Ugh, this was going to need to be talked about wasn’t it? Red had never been good about talking about his feelings, or talking things out in general, and that wasn’t about to change, but he wanted to help Green feel better because something was wrong.

“Green? Are you okay?” Red asked during a pause in the movie. The father seemed to be looking for his daughter or something like that. Not an uncommon horror movie plot, the determined and loving father that is.

Green jumped at Red’s words, or maybe it was his unmoving and concerned gaze.

“What? No I’m fine-”

“You don’t seem fine.” Red said cutting Green off quickly.

Green sighed and shifted uncomfortably in his spot on the couch. He looked over at Red before looking quickly back at the movie. Chewing on his lip for a second the usually cocky teen seemed to be at a loss for words, something everyone wished they’d been able to do for a long time now.

Green sighed again, throwing his eyes up in a silent prayer of sorts, or at least it looked like that, before casting them down and at Red. Red blinked as his friend scooted closer to him, the over whelming smell of teenage boy body spray overwhelming him for a moment. Green didn’t hesitate for a moment, however, moving until their legs were touching. Red looked down, then back up, then down again, trying to take in the situation.

“We need to talk, Red. I need you to listen to me for once; you’re terrible at doing that.” Green said half-heartedly, offering his friend a small smile. He really was trying to seem charming, it was working. Also an important note, at least to Red, he had always felt he was a good listener.

“Huh? You know I’ll listen.” Red said confusedly.

“No, you need to really listen.” Green said forcing his voice to sound serious. “Because what I’m going to say is weird, and if you don’t listen to me completely I’m just going to end up fucking up and making this entire thing worse.”

Green was talking quicker now, looking more nervous as he kept talking. Red wanted to lean forward and rub his friends hand in the attempt to goad him into to talking more, but he didn’t really think that would help the situation. It also wasn’t good for his heart to spend time thinking about that sort of thing, but with the coffee eyed teen in front of him it was hard not to.  
Red knew his skin shouldn’t be heating up, and his pulse shouldn’t be speeding but it was involuntarily. He wanted to blame it on Green being so close, or the nervous hope that something would actually become of this moment. But it was a gross hope; one that was ill placed and Red knew was just dangerous for him to have.

“Okay, I’ll really listen.” Red did his best to promise. Whatever it was Green would say he would listen to it. No matter how useless or stupid it was, no matter how trivial, Red was a lovesick puppy when it came to his childhood friend and he had the strong overwhelming knowledge unbefitting to his age that’s how it always would be.

Green smiled at Red in response, one of those smiles he was trying to mean and then shifted around a bit more. “You remember how you told me that whole thing on the phone the other night.”

Oh god, it was actually about that.

“I don’t know how I could forget.” Red replied.

“Yeah, me either.” Green responded honestly before continuing on. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I think I know how we should handle it.” Green seemed to look just as nervous as Red was feeling.

Wait. How they should handle it? Why did it need to be handled? This was everything Red had been trying to avoid the entire time, change.

“Uhhh…” Red offered Green as a quiet response when he paused for Red to react. He nodded like that was an actual intelligent response that meant something to the average human being.

“I was thinking that…” Green trailed off, whether for dramatic affect or actual nerves Red couldn’t tell anymore because he had so much adrenaline pumping through his blood he felt like he was going to pass out. Or be sick. Or really both. He could hardly hear his friend let alone comprehend what he was saying over the whooshing of blood in his body, but on the outside he had a solid stone response appearing emotionless to those who wouldn’t understand him in this moment. A moment of sheer and involuntary panic.

Green wasn’t a stranger. Green noticed right away.

“Red?!” Green said quickly looking at his friend in shock. He grabbed him by his shoulders after a moment looking into his friend’s eyes, coffee brown orbs going wide. “Hey, look at me!! Red, can you hear me? Are you okay?”

Green shook him quickly a bit and then frowned even harder. “Come on Red talk to me! It isn’t what you think I’m going to say!” Green could hear the panic rising in his voice.

Red tried to force himself to calm down, to respond properly to Green. He raised his hands finally in the attempt to push his friend off of him but just ended in resting his hands on the tanner ones that weren’t his to touch. Green gripped the paler man’s hands quickly trying to be reassuring, but not quite helping Red’s need for space.

“I’m okay.” Red offered quietly.

“Red…” Green swallowed, choosing to continue on despite the situation. He held onto Red’s hands tightly, looking into red brown eyes. “I was thinking we could try dating.”

_Fuck._

“But…” Red tried to offer a response but he couldn’t think of one. He gripped Green’s hands in response and looked down, away from those eyes. The ones that seemed to hold surprise, and a weird response of disappointment. Why? Because Red wasn’t jumping on his dick? He had probably expected him to after their conversation, and yeah Red had too.

“You don’t actually want that.” Red told Green quietly.

Green stared at his friend in shock, mouth opening to reply quickly.

“What?! Of course I do! You haven’t let me explain myself properly yet! Come on, Red, there’s more to this then you think!” Green said quickly.

Yeah, like pity Red thought to himself bitterly. He knew why Green was doing this, and a small part of him tried to appreciate it, but it just wasn’t working out in his chest. He didn’t need his pity or his boyfriend handouts; he wasn’t going to drag his best friend down with him too.

Red, snapping slowly back to his senses, moved Green firmly away from him with determination shining brightly in his eyes.

“You don’t have to worry about me.” Red said calmly, too calmly really, it sounded forced even to his own ears.

“What? Red I’m not doing this because I’m worried about you! If you’d just listen you’d know that I really li-” Green tried to explain, waving his hands around while talking.

“No, don’t worry about it.” Red cut off quickly. There was some part of him rebelling violently inside of him at Green speaking those words. Maybe it was how bad he actually wanted to hear them.

“Red I like you!” Green rushed out quickly and desperately, his eyes going wide.

Red’s hands curled into small balls at his side, digging into his shirt and pants desperately, eyes going wide. He fixed his desperate hungry eyes on the ground, the brown carpet that had been the flooring of his and his mother’s cheap living quarters for as long as he could. A life that was all he could ask for. Growing up with a single mother he hadn’t had the most traditionally wonderful life, it had been hard for her and for him, but they had both loved each other with their entire hearts. It led to happiness in the home and Red hadn’t known much past her until he met Green. They were just small kids, not even in school yet, but it had been a bond instantly, and he had loved this new boy just as much as the one other person in his heart. In a way he had been doomed since the beginning, doomed to want and want but to not need, to be happy with everything he had and never ever want to risk it.

Now that it was being offered to him the question he had always quietly asked himself when he thought about his feelings for Green of if he had ever truly loved anything were being answered for him. It wasn’t laziness or a desperate cling to the one thing he thought he could have, they were sincere strong feelings of love, and that was terrifying in every aspect.

“Green…” Red said quietly, he couldn’t stress it properly what he wanted to say. It was too much suddenly, rushing to his mouth trying to get out, so like always none of it got out at all.

_Green, I love you._

_Green, I’m sorry._

_I’ve wanted you to like me as much as I liked you for my entire life._

_If you don’t mean this it’ll destroy me._

_I don’t think I’m ready for this._

_I still don’t know that you want it._

_How do I know I can trust you?_

The only thing that came out of Red’s mouth was nothing like what he wanted to say.

“Are you sure?” Red asked quietly, hoping somehow without saying it Green would understand what was ailing him.

Green forced Red’s chin up before kissing him in a desperate way, desperate for what Red wasn’t sure, but his best bet was to reinforce whatever wonderings Green had actually been having, about the feelings he  
may feel for Red.

Their lips worked together after a moment of pause, warm and moist and not completely aware of where their teeth were. Red pressed back slowly, trying to work his lips the same way Green was, before giving up. Feeling the shape of Green’s lips in his moments of pause, Red pushed back and just let his body take over, letting it show what he was feeling. There was a strange feeling of static after a moment across the roof of Red’s mouth that left him tingling and surprised. Their noses were rubbing together, but the black haired boy kept switching up where their noses were positioned, sometimes completely bumping into each other. It didn’t feel awkward however, in a way it kind of just felt right.

Green pulled away after a moment and stared at Red.

“Yeah,” he swallowed then smiled. “I’m sure.”


End file.
